


Me or Him

by theobligatedklutz



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Amber and Cyrus are childhood friends, Amber and TJ can't stand each other, Andi and Amber are an on again off again thing, Angst, Cyrus is too selfless, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Party, Swearing, TJ and Cyrus have eyes for each other, The Kippen Siblings, The Kippen Twins, Their mom is a sweet bean, alcohol mention, based on The Edge of Seventeen (movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 18:51:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20247646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theobligatedklutz/pseuds/theobligatedklutz
Summary: When Cyrus Goodman kisses Amber's detested twin brother TJ Kippen, he is forced to pick between his best friend and the boy he's falling in love with.~ An The Edge of  Seventeen  AU ~





	Me or Him

**Author's Note:**

> Beta Reader: TheGoodmanTJ

When he first expressed an interest in TJ, Cyrus was in his rumpled Captain America pajamas with cheeto dust on the side of his mouth. 

Amber had just broken up with Andi for the second time in their junior year and in her post breakup haste, she had dragged Cyrus to her house for a movie night. 

In all ten years of them being best friends, Cyrus had learned three things about Amber and number one was the fact that she was dramatic, over the top and always got what she wanted. 

That last particular skill set came in handy when it came to convincing Cyrus to sleep over, and driving him to his house so he could grab an overnight bag when he agreed. What was concerning was Amber's need to be excessively clingy this time around like it was really over between Andi and her, and Cyrus decided he just needed to give her a shoulder to cry on.

Cue her bursting into tears as they sat on worn out bean bags in the corner of her room, in their pajamas, surrounded by empty tubs of ice cream, crushed cans of Dr. Pepper and a half eaten bag of Cheetos.

On their ninth straight episode of Gilmore Girls, she fell asleep against Cyrus' shoulder, her tear soaked blonde hair stuck to her cheek and Cyrus' arms still wrapped around her.

And if it weren't for his peanut sized bladder, maybe they would've stayed stuck like that because Cyrus couldn't bring himself to wake up his distraught best friend from a peaceful slumber. Amber would do the same. In fact, she had done the same.

He carefully pulled himself out from under her, grabbing one of the throw pillows on the floor and settling it underneath Amber's head in place of his shoulder before putting a blanket over her.

It was on his way to the bathroom that he saw him, TJ Kippen in the flesh, leaning against his bedroom door and typing furiously into his phone.

The second thing Cyrus learned about Amber was how she absolutely couldn't stand her twin brother, TJ. 

It hadn't always been like that, they used to play together and Cyrus rather enjoyed TJ's company but around the age of thirteen, Amber and TJ became each other's worst enemy. The fighting was endless. All that crap about telepathic twins went out the window because these two couldn't communicate for the life of them. If Amber was left in a room with TJ, a screaming match was seconds away.

_ "Mom had a devil and an angel that day." Amber had once said when her and TJ had a particularly bad fight. _

_ "Which one are you in that equation?" _

_ "Shut it, Cyrus." _

But then, there had come a point in Cyrus' life where he couldn't stand the cat and dog fights anymore. It occurred to him in freshman year of high school that they could just avoid TJ by meeting at the mall or the Spoon or anywhere but Amber's house. It wasn't foolproof because TJ occasionally set foot in the same places with his friends -- Come on, it was a small town -- but it was good enough that Cyrus wasn't going completely insane by their constant bickering and yelling anymore. 

So, he had gotten pretty good at ignoring TJ because ignoring him meant peace and quiet and he _ really _ liked peace and quiet. 

It wasn't just Amber and Cyrus doing the ignoring either. 

TJ had his own group of friends, he was captain of the basketball team and he was in a much higher league than his sister and her friends. Hence their mutual decision to pretend the other didn't exist at school or at home. 

Cyrus had accepted it and moved on, even though there were times when he wished he could talk to TJ like old times.

So it was the same routine as any other day and any other hallway. Cyrus pretended not to notice TJ as he made his way to the bathroom but this time, TJ noticed him, looking up from the bright light of his phone screen and smirking. He flicked the switch next to his door, flooding the hallway with fluorescent light and Cyrus flinched away, blinking wildly to get used to the sudden brightness. 

"Cyrus."

Cyrus squinted over at him, surprised to see TJ acknowledging him for the first time in a while. Maybe he was drunk, they hadn't talked in so long and why was there a sudden need to now? 

"TJ." Cyrus replied, addressing TJ with the same monotonous tone he had used.

TJ stepped away from his door and pocketed his phone as he approached him and Cyrus realized now how high he had to arch his neck to look at the boy. 

Huh, how had TJ grown a head taller than him in a couple of years? How had he not noticed how green TJ's eyes were or how soft and fluffy TJ's hair looked. Wait, had they always been that texture or did TJ finally add conditioner to his hair routine?

When he thought back to it, this was the first he'd been over at Amber's in a long while and of course, TJ had to hit puberty when he wasn't around to see the height change or the deepened voice. _ So unfair _.

TJ cupped a hand over his mouth, still standing close and looking conspiratorially at Cyrus. In a mockery of whispered words like he was telling Cyrus a secret, he said the words, "You have food on your face." 

He laughed at Cyrus' confused expression as he walked back towards his room and slammed open his door like he had a need to announce to everyone in the neighborhood that he had come home. Cyrus' confusion quickly morphed into exasperation at TJ's inconsideration.

"Oh my god, Amber's sleeping." He hissed as he wiped at his face, glaring at TJ.

"Not my problem." TJ exclaimed, once again, louder than he needed to.

"Of course, it isn't, the lesser twin."

TJ peeked out from his ajar door, a grin on his face. "Using my sister's arsenal of insults, you could do better. But I like it." 

Cyrus didn't hear the next words out of TJ Kippen's mouth as he sputtered into the bathroom to look at his face. 

If only he had.

*****

"What is wrong with her?" TJ asked him at breakfast the next morning. They were sitting across from each other at the dining table while Karen Kippen slipped each of them a plate of pancakes. She then proceeded to scream up the stairs for the third time that morning.

"Amber Jolene Kippen! Come down this instance before I cut off the wifi for the next two weeks!" 

"Nothing." Cyrus had an answer ready on the tip of his tongue but he opted to tamp it down because Amber was being melodramatic as it was, she would shit on him the whole way to school if he said anything to her mom or brother.

TJ kicked him under the table, shaking the table and Cyrus' plate.

"What?" Cyrus mouthed, scowling.

"What is wrong with her?" 

"She broke up with Andi." He breathed into the air, the grim look on his face turning up into an empty smile when Karen asked him if he wanted more pancakes.

"No thank you. But thank you for having me, Ms. Kippen." Cyrus answered, fiddling with his fork and pushing another bite of syrup soaked pancake into his mouth.

"Anytime, honey. How's Andi doing by the way? Amber hasn't been around here with her in a while."

Cyrus fell into a coughing fit at the comment, blithering and spitting before he accepted the glass of orange juice held out to him. 

"Oh hon, are you okay?"

"Fine, fine." He said wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand and panically looking over to see if Amber had heard her mom, but there was still no sign of her.

He glanced back towards TJ, hoping if he gestured silently TJ would help him change the subject before Amber came running down the stairs but instead, he was surprised to see that TJ was already staring at him but flicked his eyes away the minute Cyrus caught him.

The stomping of feet broke the tension in the kitchen and they all looked towards Amber, a sight to behold, dressed in a yellow knee length dress.

_ "You know Andi loves the colour yellow." _

"Nice dress." TJ scoffed over a mouthful of pancake and Amber threw him a dirty look.

Cyrus scowled, kicking TJ back for being a thoughtless douche and reveling in the way TJ winced. _ Watch it, Kippen. _

"Shut the hell up, snotface!" Amber spat, grabbing onto Cyrus' hand and pulling him away from his breakfast.

"Language, Amber!" Ms. Kippen tsked, shaking her head at her daughter.

"Yeah, yeah." Amber said, brushing it away as she pulled on her bag and played with the ring on her forefinger. 

_ "Andi made it for our four month anniversary. It's a promise ring like no matter what happens we'll always be in each other's lives." _

"Aren't you gonna eat anything?" Karen asked, disappointment twisting into her face.

"Sorry, mom. Not today." And with that, Amber grabbed Cyrus' hand again, intertwining their fingers and rushing towards the front door. 

"Thanks for breakfast, Ms. Kippen." Cyrus turned back, smiling over at her and waving a quick goodbye as he was pulled away.

"It was good to see you, sweetie. And I'm glad somebody enjoys my breakfast. This is the first TJ has ever sat-"

"Mom, your pancakes are burning!" TJ yelled out, interrupting her.

There were no pancakes on the skillet.

  


******

Cyrus met Andi and Buffy in kindergarten and they'd been stuck together ever since. Amber was a late addition but a welcome one and soon became Cyrus' closest and bestest friend.

When they first met, Cyrus was seven and attempting to hide from a couple of bullies at recess. They had been calling him names and picking on him and Amber had been an angel sent from above because the minute she crawled under the slides next to him, wrapping him in her arms, the name calling stopped. The harsh words disappeared. And they never happened again.

She was his guardian angel. At least, that's what he thought until sophomore year when Andi and Amber started dating and whenever they got into a fight, they forced him to pick between them: Andi or Amber? Amber or Andi? 

It was like he was back on the playground, anxious and overwhelmed by words he didn't want to hear.

_ "Cyrus, you have to choose!" _

_ "Cyrus, I thought we were friends!" _

He was getting dizzy with all the back and forth and Buffy was the only one being rational, defending him when Andi and Amber played a game of tug-a-war with him, pulling him apart, tearing him apart.

When Cyrus screamed at them after witnessing one especially horrible fight, he really thought they finally understood what they were doing to him and they'd stop, they'd change.

_ "If you can't settle your differences without bringing me into this then I don't want to be friends with either of you!" _

He hadn't talked to Andi nor Amber for weeks on end until they both promised to never bring him into a fight again. 

The thing was, a promise meant nothing if you didn't mean it. 

"Where were you yesterday?" Andi gritted out when she'd sat down at their usual table at the beginning of lunch. She crossed her arms and glared at Amber who sat smooshed against Cyrus' side, one of her arms looped around his, before she looked back at Cyrus expectantly.

He was hoping Buffy would be there to help him out but she must've been running late to lunch or she was avoiding poking the bear and just decided not to show today. Cyrus really needed to follow her lead next time. 

Presently, he couldn't be as lucky since he was in the middle of a staring contest between two girls who had pledged to each other that they'd never get to this point in their relationship.

But promises meant nothing-

"You were at Amber's, weren't you?"

Cyrus sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose before detaching himself from Amber's side and standing up abruptly. At the sudden loss of touch, Amber looked up at him, confused and betrayed.

"I thought we were over bringing me into your little love spats. God. When you work it out, call me." 

*****

TJ found Cyrus sitting in the Math hallway, nibbling slowly at his baloney sandwich and staring off into space.

"I'll catch up with you guys." He waved at Jonah and Marty before walking over to the boy sitting against the lockers.

Cyrus didn't look up at the sound of the steps, not until the converse clad feet were right in front of him. He arched his head up to see who it was, the top of his head hitting the locker he was slumped against.

"Hey." He said to the looming shadow of TJ, peering back at his sandwich again when TJ moved over to his side, planting himself next to Cyrus and extending his long legs in front of him.

"What's up with you?" TJ asked, bringing his head low to try to catch Cyrus' eyes.

"Nothing." 

"Do I have to kick you again?" TJ nudged him and Cyrus shook his head, taking another bite of his sandwich.

They stayed silent for a few minutes, the laughter of a couple of girls and the squeaking of feet the only sounds in the hallway. 

"You ever just wanna disappear at will? So like nobody could interact with you and you could just...watch from the sidelines?" 

TJ chuckled. "No."

Of course, TJ didn't get it. He didn't have drama, his friends seemed chill. Why would he want to disappear? Why would he want to watch from the sidelines when he loved being centre stage. 

That was a stupid question.

"Nevermind. I was asking the wrong person." Cyrus laughed to himself, a soft little forced thing and TJ's face dropped into a frown as his joke fell through.

"Hey. No, you weren't. I get it." TJ caught Cyrus' chin with a finger, bringing his head up so their eyes could meet. "I get it."

It was so believable with the glow of urgent reassurance in TJ's gaze that Cyrus couldn't stop the small smile that melted the sad tilt of his lips.

"It's okay if you don't." Cyrus assured, needing TJ to know that it was okay if he couldn't sympathize.

"I do. I do." TJ nodded his head, pulling his hands back and playing with his fingers. "Everytime Amber and I fight." 

Cyrus' breath caught in his throat. "Really?"

  


******

Andi and Amber didn't get back together.

Unfortunately, around the same time, Ms. Kippen booked a much needed getaway, leaving TJ in charge. Except when she was leaving the house, TJ was nowhere in sight -- probably at basketball practise -- and "TJ is in charge" meant nothing to Amber.

"You'll tell him when he gets home, right? I'll be back tomorrow afternoon." Her mom had said as she pushed the suitcase out the door.

"Yeah, mom. I'll tell him." She smirked as she waved a hand her way and looked at Cyrus with barely contained excitement as the door closed. In response, he rolled his eyes and frantically shook his head.

"Amber, please don't-"

"We're having a party!"

Cyrus knew this was Amber's form of a temper tantrum because she didn't get what she wanted and what she wanted was Andi.

So she threw a loud, obnoxious party. Sent out a mass text to anyone that felt rebellious enough to leave their house on a Wednesday.

Drama ensued. Cyrus wished he could've dissolved into a wall when Amber noted the arrival of Andi and decided to get drunk enough to declare her love for her ex in the middle of the living room. It was embarrassing and high pitched and Amber would pull her hair out if she ever found out she had done it.

Her serenade was interrupted by the loud sounds of police sirens outside the house. 

Everyone ditched, some pushed against Amber to get to the door which caused her to fall off the coffee table she stood on and if it weren't for Cyrus being close enough, she would've hit her head. Instead, she toppled on top of him on the floor and promptly fell asleep in her drunken state.

TJ entered in a haze of anger, sneering at Andi and Buffy to get out of the house before he actually called the cops.

"So what were those sirens?" Buffy asked as she helped Andi lift Amber off of Cyrus, leaning her against the couch and chuckling as Amber's head rolled onto the sofa cushions.

"Plan A for when Amber fucked up like I knew she would." 

"Hey! Don't say that about my girlfriend." Andi smiled softly, pushing a golden strand of hair off of Amber's forehead and away from her face.

"I thought you guys weren't together?" Cyrus asked, sitting up from his position on the floor and breathing like he had just run a marathon.

"Did you not hear her declaration of love?" Andi laughed incredulously, helping him up.

"Point." Cyrus sighed in relief, a weight slipping off his shoulder. Finally. Amber would stop with the recklessness. She got her girl back.

"Are you gonna leave so I can clean up or what?" TJ hissed, glaring around at the beer bottles and red solo cups littering the couch and carpet.

"Jeez, Amber was right. You are uptight." Buffy scoffed, stepping over to the door.

"Shut it, Driscoll. And get out of my house."

"Going, shithead."

Cyrus almost followed the retreating backs of Andi and Buffy before he glanced down at the mess of the girl he called his best friend. 

He draped Amber's arm over his shoulder, attempting to get her up but she slipped right out of his grasp, landing with a thump back against the couch cushions.

"Here, let me help." TJ said setting the beer bottles he'd been starting to collect back on the ground.

He draped Amber's other arm over his shoulder, grunting in exaggeration.

"Shut up, you bench press. She weighs nothing." Cyrus rolled his eyes, climbing the stairs slowly and holding tighter to Amber's arm as she leaned against him in her sleep.

"How do you know I bench press?" TJ smiled, leaning over his unconscious sister to catch a glimpse of Cyrus' profile.

Man, they'd practically spent ten years together, ok not _ together _ together, but- how had Cyrus gotten prettier?

"Yeah, 'cause the protein shakes and hard muscles tell a different story." He scoffed, meeting TJ's gaze.

They pushed Amber onto her bed in one fell sweep, and she muttered Andi's name in her sleep pulling a smile onto Cyrus' face as he threw a blanket onto her. Seemed like he was always tucking her in.

"Hey... thanks for being so good to her." TJ whispered into the silence of the room, like he was afraid he'd wake her up.

Cyrus chuckled in the darkness. "Yeah, of course." 

They ended up going back downstairs. TJ insisting he go back up and go to bed but he wasn't having it.

"Besides, it'll be faster if we both do it together." Cyrus said as he gathered up the beer bottles sitting on the counter and tossed them in the garbage bag clipped to the cabinet door.

"Could you pass me the paper towels over there?" TJ asked, gesturing towards the kitchen counter as he felt the wet stickiness of a beer spill against the wood flooring in the living room.

"Yeah, sure."

Cyrus pulled the paper towel roll out of its stand, walking over to TJ to pass it to him.

TJ took it from him slowly, smirking. "Now clean it up for me?"

"Yeah, right." Cyrus laughed, leaning against the arm of the nearby couch as TJ wiped at the wet floor. 

"You know you're not so bad." He said, ripping a piece off the roll and crouching down to help TJ clean the spill. "Not really who I thought you were."

"Yeah, I know how much Amber wants to paint me as some demon possessed teenage boy. But I'm just your regular ole handsome hunk." 

Cyrus couldn't help but laugh at the way TJ brought his hands up to frame his face as if posing for a photo.

When the laughs dissipated, he realized that TJ was openly staring at him, with a sincere sort of indulgence, like it was a rarity for him to watch Cyrus like he wanted to.

He brought a hand up, brushing his knuckles against Cyrus' cheek and Cyrus smiled gently in response, grabbing his hand and lacing their fingers together.

Cyrus was pretty sure he kissed TJ first, pulling him close by the collar of his shirt and wrapping his arms around his neck. TJ responded with the sort of enthusiasm that reminded him of a parched man drinking water for the first time, like he'd been waiting an infinity to do this. 

They ended up on the couch somehow, giggles and sweet words the only sounds hitting the corners of the living room.

******

Amber woke slowly, rubbing a hand over her face and smudging the mascara still stuck to her lashes.

"Cy." She called softly, looking up into the empty space of her room. The explosive headache didn't help as she stumbled out of her bed, almost slipping on the mess of clothes on the floor.

"Cyrus…"

Surely, he would've stayed the night. Last night. Oh yeah, she had a party last night. _ What happened at the party? _

The sound of laughter interrupted her thoughts and she turned to the poster clad bedroom door that belonged to TJerk. _ Who was he laughing at? _

She rubbed a hand over her eye again, pushing open the barely shut door. 

The sound of her shriek reverberated against the walls and through the neighborhood, chasing away perched birds in nearby trees. 

Cyrus pulled away from TJ, cutting the kiss off abruptly and wiping at his mouth as he fell out of bed.

"Ow." He exclaimed, stumbling to his feet and freezing at the slack jawed look on Amber's face. 

"What the fuck? What the _ fuck _?!!" She yelled looking from Cyrus to TJ, her eyes wide.

"Shut the fucking door, dipshit!" TJ shouted, getting up to slam his door shut.

They'd been making out. She couldn't get that gross image out of her head. Her best friend and wretched brother were in a fucking liplock. Oh my god-

*****

They sat on the porch, silence slicing through the air as Amber covered her face with her hands. Cyrus played with his fingers next to her, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

"Why did you do this to me?" 

Cyrus snapped his head towards her, staring at the seemingly endless hurt in Amber's eyes.

"Amber, I-" He pushed the heels of his hand into his eyes. "I don't know what happened. I was just helping him clean up after the party and I- we just cuddled and then fell asleep. Nothing happened."

"Yeah, that's not what I saw. You were sucking face. With TJ of all people! What the fuck, Cyrus?!" Amber groaned, standing up and walking back and forth, erratic in her movements.

"I just- I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry! I'm sorry, okay?" Cyrus felt his heart sink watching Amber bite at her thumb in frustration. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Uh, I just need time to think." She said stopping her pacing and turning back to her front door. "You know what, you should probably go home."

"Amber, you can't just not talk to me about this."

"No, that's not it. It's not your fault. You're my best friend and I really love you but you were off limits, god, you- just go home." 

_ You were off limits... _

"Amb, what does that mean? No! What are you gonna do?" Cyrus asked in a panic, following Amber's stomping feet inside.

"What the fuck?" Amber growled as she entered the house, turning to TJ who was still collecting beer bottles from the living room couch.

Cyrus stopped just behind her, opening his mouth in an attempt to keep the peace but TJ spoke up first, irritation lacing his voice.

"What are you talking about?" 

"He was off limits, TJ! You take everything from me! You can't take him from me too!" 

"Do you fucking own him now, Amber? Is Cyrus one of the toys you get possessive over and won't give up until you've broken them?" TJ said, a ferocity in his sneer like Amber had hit a nerve. Cyrus had never seen either of them that angry before and his breath caught in his throat, his stomach curling in on itself. 

_ He had caused this. _

"And what the hell are you going on about? What did I take from the girl who's never heard 'no' in her life. You act like a brat and you get whatever you fucking want and I'm so sick and tir-" TJ continued, a vein pulsing on his forehead.

"Sick and tired? You're sick and tired, you douchebag?! Mr. I'm-So-Perfect-I-Get-Whatever-I-Want. Mom loves you more, she can't help flaunt your perfect grades and perfect everything and _ I am _ fucking sick and tired-" 

"Just please stop, both of you!" Cyrus exclaimed, loud enough to cut Amber off. His lips shook and his hands rolled into fists at his side. 

Amber and TJ snapped their heads his way and all the anger washed away from TJ's face, replaced with a sense of regret when he noticed the sadness in Cyrus' eyes. 

"You're right, Amber. I think I'll go home and you can continue your fucking senseless fight like you always do!" Cyrus shook his head at the both of them, disappointment etched into the lines of his face as he ran upstairs, grabbing his backpack before he pulled on his sneakers and stormed away, towards the door.

Ms. Kippen entered just as he reached the entrance, pulling her suitcase inside and witnessing the sight of her son and daughter standing frozen in a messy living room with Cyrus leaving the house with tear filled eyes.

"Thanks for letting me stay, Ms. Kippen." He said shakily as he walked past her and out the door.

"What happened, you two?" She asked, the soft clicking of the door shutting behind her the only sound interrupting the silence. 

Amber made a guttural sound, letting out her frustration into the air before she ran up the stairs, leaving TJ and her mom to sort out the mess.

********

It was safe to say that TJ was crazy about Cyrus. 

Maybe it was the carefree way he laughed or his big brown eyes or maybe it was him being loyal to his twin sister, sticking by her and looking out for her every step of the way. Because TJ wished he could be that to Amber but without even knowing, Cyrus had taken that burden off his shoulders. They'd seen each other a lot since the age of seven and TJ couldn't remember when exactly his feelings went from "ugh, Amber's best friend" to "_ Cyrus Cyrus Cyrus _." Either way, his slow realization flooded his system with a sense of painful longing. That day after the party, something happened. Cyrus responded. He answered back and TJ's longing turned to wanting. He wanted Cyrus Goodman for himself.

If anything gave away the fact that TJ wanted Cyrus, it was his haste to find the boy early before school started so he could apologize for his temper yesterday. He never wanted Cyrus to see that side of him and lately that's all the boy saw.

He finally found Cyrus leaning by his locker with his eyes closed. He opened them when he heard footsteps, looking lazily at the sight of TJ approaching him.

"Hi."

"Hi." Cyrus responded, attempting to keep a stoic face.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have said those things about your friendship with her. She just makes me so mad sometimes."

Cyrus sighed, swinging back on the heels of his shoes. "Any chance, you'll stop fighting with her so much."

"I don't know if you've noticed, she starts 99% of all fights."

"So, no." The pout on Cyrus' face shouldn't have been so cute but it was and it tugged a smile to TJ's lips and pulled excessively at his heartstrings. "I accept your apology." 

The smile grew bigger. "Hey, I know you're my sister's best friend and we shouldn't…"

"Yeah...right. It was weird." Cyrus agreed, holding the straps of his backpack a little tighter. 

"I guess I'll see you around then?" There was this sad tone in TJ's voice that made Cyrus wonder how much of what he was saying was what he wanted to say.

"Yeah... around. The house and stuff. Yeah, cool." Cyrus responded, smiling gently up into soft green eyes and stepping away to go find Amber. Before he could though, TJ grabbed his hand pulling him back. 

"I had a great time with you, Cy."

Cyrus bit his lip, a little shy and a lot more optimistic that they still had a chance, and nodded his head. "Me too."

TJ's face brightened considerably, a goofy grin taking over his face. "I know I'm contradicting myself here. But I wanted to ask you something."

******

"Why didn't you tell me Andi wanted to get back together with me?" Amber asked, excitedly slipping across from Cyrus at lunch, not a whisper of regret on her face for putting him through yet another one of her fights.

"You were too busy hating me for what happened after the party, remember? I didn't know when to bring it up." He answered, not looking up from his lunch.

"Couldn't you text me or something? I had to find out through her and now she thinks I wrote her some love declaration that I don't even remember saying out loud."

"I was going-"

"Now I can help you find someone that won't leave you for the next hot blonde in the room." Amber continued like she hadn't just spoken over him but it was the words she said that made Cyrus' mouth go dry and his throat close up.

"What?" He looked up, his lips quivering and his eyes wide.

"You need to get over TJ. He's a selfish prick who'll only hurt you and drop you because he doesn't care about you. He doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself." 

"You don't know anything, Amber." Cyrus snapped, his nose flaring.

_ How could she say that to him? _

His heart felt like it was physically breaking, sinking, turning into ash.

"I'm only looking out for you, Cy."

"No, you're not and no, he won't. Because he just asked me out."

"What? The fuck, Cyrus! No...no!" The rise of her voice pulled the attention of closeby students and they looked up to see Amber and Cyrus glaring at each other.

"Yeah, he did." Cyrus answered, more calmly than she had reacted as he stood up, shoving his books into his backpack and collecting his lunch from the table. 

He couldn't be in the same room as Amber right now or he would explode.

"No, you can't have both of us. You have to pick." Amber exclaimed, grabbing onto Cyrus' wrist to stop him from leaving.

"What the hell? No, I'm not picking! It doesn't work like that." Cyrus pulled his hand out of her grip, sneering at Amber. 

It was so hard to make Cyrus angry but Amber had done it. She had pulled the ugly side of him out.

"Oh yeah, it does. You have to pick: me or him. Pick!"

"No, I'm not gonna pick! 

"Do you want him? Or do you want me? _ Why _ can't you just say _ me _?!"

"I'm not gonna fucking pick, Amber!" Cyrus screamed, punching the surface of the table and wincing at the pain that blossomed in his knuckles as he pulled his hand back.

Amber didn't even seem to notice as she said the next words. "Alright, then we're done. _ We're done _."

Cyrus' frustration washed away, replaced with pain, so much pain and it wasn't just the throbbing hurt in his hand. It was a pain deep in his chest and a pain in his stomach like he was about to be sick.

It was too much like all the times he had to pick between Andi and Amber. And just like those times, Cyrus' lungs felt like they were shrinking, he couldn't breathe, and his eyes started to water and before he knew it, he was grabbing his backpack and pulling it on.

"You're the selfish one, Amber. All I've ever wanted was your happiness. But you've always made me pick! First it was with Andi! Now this! The one thing I've ever wanted you won't let me have!" With those trembling words, Cyrus walked out of the cafeteria, shaking like a leaf in each step he took and ignoring the looks from the crowds of students.

TJ watched all of this happen from his table, his boiling anger swiftly building as he looked over at Amber. But just as quickly, the feeling dispersed when he noticed the tears on her cheeks. 

She just kept hurting Cyrus and herself in the process.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" She hissed when she noticed that half of the cafeteria was staring at her, she stood up, slipping off the bench and leaving the cafeteria with half-suppressed sobs still leaving her mouth.

  


*****

It rained that day. Hard.

TJ tried to look for Cyrus. Looked everywhere Cyrus hung out. Asked Andi and Buffy. No one knew where he was and TJ was getting anxious and worried.

Just as he was driving towards Cyrus' house to see if maybe he had gone home, he noticed a lone figure sitting on a swing in the park nearby.

The boy was soaked to the bone but he made no move to get up and leave, to get to shelter, he just sat there kicking the ground and digging out mud. 

If it wasn't for the blue shirt and gray cardigan TJ had seen Cyrus wearing that morning, he would've just chalked it up to one of the crazies who slept at the park most days. But that was Cyrus. _ He knew it. _

He parked his car on the side of the road, digging in the back for the large umbrella his mom insisted he kept in case of emergencies and for once, TJ couldn't help but feel grateful that she was such a worrier.

Opening his door, he shook open the umbrella and hopped out of his car, stepping on the soft wet grass and making his way over to the boy at the swing.

"Cy." He said the words slowly and softly but it still made Cyrus flinch. 

TJ sheltered him from the rain, bringing the umbrella over his head to stop the rain from drizzling down onto Cyrus' already shaking body. When Cyrus looked up with his puffy red eyes, TJ's hands trembled and his heart sank.

The usually sunshine clad boy looked so grief-stricken. His radiant smile and the shine in his eye had disappeared. His wet hair got in his face and his clothes stuck to his skin, an intense shiver rolling through his body.

TJ brought up his other hand to loosen the tight hold Cyrus had on the chains of the swing -- as if Cyrus thought that if he didn't grip the swing tightly enough he'd fall away into an abyss. 

When Cyrus finally loosened his fingers, TJ pulled him into his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist while holding onto the umbrella to shield them both from the rain.

Cyrus sobbed the minute he took in TJ's earthy cologne, curling his hands in his shirt and shutting his eyes tight as tears mixed with rain water. TJ's warmth was a comfort he didn't want to let go of so _ why couldn't he just have him. _

"Cy, I'm gonna move now." TJ whispered, searching for any response from the boy in his arms.

He didn't answer and TJ's worry deepened as he stepped back towards his car, tightly holding onto Cyrus and half carrying him to the car.

When Cyrus was settled in the passenger side of the car, TJ struggled out of his jacket and wrapped it around his still shaking cold body before circling around to the driver's side. 

The only sound that cut through the silence in the car was the pattering of the rain and Cyrus' sporadic breathing.

"I'm sorry." 

Cyrus looked up at TJ's voice, pushing his hair off his face and sitting up. "You didn't do anything."

"You were both going great. And I had to come along-"

"I kissed you first." Cyrus cut TJ off, wiping at his eyes and biting down the tremble of his lips.

TJ pulled him close again, holding Cyrus' face in his hands and massaging a thumb over his cheeks.

"Let me drive you home before you catch a cold." TJ spoke up, brushing his lips against Cyrus' forehead before letting the boy go completely. 

Just as he was turning to the wheel to start up the car again, Cyrus grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, bringing TJ inches away from his face.

"I'm not picking. I know you think I'm going to pick. I'm not. I've never picked anyone over anyone and if Amber thinks-"

TJ's chest thrummed hearing those reassuring words and he drove forward cutting Cyrus off, pressing his lips against the boy's.

TJ should've known there was no way in hell that Cyrus would let that happen, would let him go, yet hearing those words were like a balm to the pain in his heart.

Cyrus moved closer to deepen the kiss almost instantly, bringing his hands up to cup TJ's face this time.

It was like the first time all over again, like the first spark of an unquenched fire and millions of stars showering down over the sky and like the warmth of a wool blanket on a freezing day.

TJ pulled back first, tears swimming in his eyes. "She's your best friend."

"She's not much of a friend if she can't see that you make me happy."

TJ smiled tenderly, touching Cyrus' forehead with his and releasing a breath he didn't know he had been holding in.

_ You make me happier. _

******

The third thing Cyrus learned about Amber in all their years together was that when she loved, she loved with a passion, she grasped onto the thing or person she loved like a safety blanket, holding it so tightly it was hard for her to let go.

There was one person that loved her back just like that and happened to be her biggest support system: George Kippen. An indulgent soul with gentle hands who gave his daughter anything and everything she ever desired but when Amber was thirteen, he left her and his son and his wife alone in this world.

It was a heart attack.

It left Amber in shambles. She lost her smile, she snapped at anyone who came close and she fought with TJ more fiercely. 

And TJ? He became more distant, more of a stranger to his own sister and he grew up more quickly. 

Karen Kippen was the only one trying to keep the family sane but she took more shifts at the hospital to support her two growing kids and spent less time with them as a result of it. Which left TJ to take care of himself and Amber and his mom. He started doing the groceries and got a job and learned to lend his mother a hand.

Amber, on the other hand, learned to throw hissy fits because she didn't know what else to do. But through all that, she still had Cyrus. They were stuck to the hip. Cyrus dragged her to The Spoon every Saturday for breakfast to give her some semblance of normalcy. But he watched with an ache in his chest as Amber never grew out of her daddy's little girl phase. 

*****

  


TJ was hit with a seething fury when he parked the car in front of Cyrus' house to find Amber pacing back and forth in front of the door. Cyrus made to step out but TJ stopped him with a hand to his shoulder, jerking his head forward towards the uninvited guest and Cyrus sighed when he looked out the car window.

"Stay in the car."

"You're telling me to stay in the car in front of my own house?" Cyrus raised an eyebrow, unimpressed with TJ's need to protect like Amber was some fire breathing dragon.

"Yes?"

"Nope." Cyrus went to open the door again.

"Cyrus, for once don't follow a Kippen to battle." TJ exclaimed, frustrated with the boy's need to fix Amber and his relationship.

"A battle?!"

"Please, Cy?"

"Only if you promise not to yell."

"You're not gonna let me yell at her after the way she treated you?"

"She's scared of losing me." Cyrus mumbled, looking over at her. She had noticed the car and the two of them and instead of the nervous energy Cyrus had seen in Amber when they had arrived, she had a scowl on her face screaming _ traitor _ at Cyrus. 

_ Maybe she wasn't scared of losing him. _ Cyrus looked away, gulping down the sadness he felt again.

"That's no fucking excuse for her to put that expression on your face." TJ had seen the way Cyrus deflated when he saw the way Amber was glaring at him. 

"TJ, if you're gonna be angry, you stay in the car."

"Ok, ok. I won't yell. I won't tear her apart for making you cry."

"That's not comforting to hear. You have to promise not to yell!"

"Okay, I promise." TJ gritted out, forcefully taking a breath to calm down.

  


"There you go, trying to save the day again." Amber hissed, stepping off the porch stairs and meeting him halfway on the pebbled footpath when TJ got out of the car.

"I wasn't trying to do anything. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. No thanks to you." TJ bit out, trying to keep his voice leveled.

"All you've ever done is take things I like and keep them for yourself. First it was mom and now it's Cyrus. When will you give me a fucking break?"

"Do you even hear yourself? Huh, Amber? Do you know how worried sick mom gets when you just go MIA whenever you feel like it? And throw temper tantrums like a little kid?"

"Save it, I don't want to hear how terrible of a human being I am. You can go on living your perfect life with everything you've ever wanted by your side. I'm going home!" She threw a glower over TJ's shoulder, in the direction of the car before turning to walk away. TJ knew she was guilt tripping Cyrus again, making him feel bad for not being by her side. She was such a spoiled shit.

"No, you're gonna hear me out today." TJ sneered, grabbing her arm in a tight grip. She turned back with a fist raised in the air in an attempt to punch him in the face but he drew back in the last minute.

The harsh slam of a door froze them both where they were and TJ realized he more than broke his promise to Cyrus. He let Amber go, stepping back.

He turned to watch Cyrus who stood outside the car now, his jaw clenched and his eyes furrowed in disappointment. TJ sighed, facing Amber again only to see that she was looking at her best friend with shame in her eyes.

"You're right, Ambs." Amber's head snapped up to look at TJ when he spoke. "I'm perfect and everybody loves me and I love my life. I love it. I love watching mom worry about you endlessly. I love having to grow up and fill in the gaps that dad left. I love having to work two jobs and still making time to run errands for mom and going to school and getting good grades so I don't ruin my chances of going to a good college. I love watching your best friend worry about you, support you and always put you first because I'm too much of a shitty brother to take on that role in your life. I love you hating me when I'll ever wanted was for us to get along. I love knowing that the one person who makes me feel like I can take a fucking breath...I can't have without completely destroying you. So you're right. _ You're right." _

TJ turned towards the car then, gulping down the sobs that threatened to leave his throat and wiping at his eyes. He stepped over to Cyrus, grabbing his hand softly and pulling him towards the Goodman residence. 

Amber stood there frozen, her lips trembling and her eyes wet but she didn't make any moves towards either Cyrus or TJ as they walked past her.

*****

  


"She's gone." Cyrus sighed, crestfallen, as he looked out his bedroom window. A towel covered his eyes before he could look any further than just his lawn. "Hey!"

"You need to dry your hair before you catch a cold." TJ chided, sitting Cyrus down on the edge of the bed and running the towel over his wet strands before taking it off his head. He chuckled at the way Cyrus' hair stuck out every which way and caressed a hand through them to calm them down. 

TJ kneeled down in front of him, taking Cyrus' bruising hand, from when he had punched the table, and brushing a thumb against it.

"Hey, Teej." 

"Yeah?"

"I love you too."

TJ's head snapped up to look at Cyrus, his eyes wide. "I never-"

"You know there's different ways to say 'I love you', right?"

_ I love knowing that the one person who makes me feel like I can take a fucking breath...I can't have without completely destroying you. _

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I love you too too." 

"You dumbass."

**********

Cyrus was easy going and loved his family and friends to the point that if one of them asked him for his heart, he'd dig it out of his chest and hand it to them.

But something had changed in the past two years, Amber and Andi had both asked him for his heart but Amber had demanded he only give it to her and nobody else.

She had become possessive like _ she did own him. _ Maybe TJ was right.

TJ.

TJ hadn't once asked him for his heart. If anything, he was willing to let Cyrus go even if it was hurting him. He would let Cyrus choose Amber.

But Cyrus didn't want to let TJ go.

He refused to let TJ go because he was the first person who hadn't asked him to pick between him or someone else. He was the one person who had made Cyrus feel like he could be happy and not just watch Amber or Andi or Buffy be happy at the sidelines.

TJ held Cyrus' hand and pulled him close when he was melting with the rain, he helped Cyrus out of the hole that he dug himself in in an attempt to please everyone, especially Amber, by making her his top priority and by never thinking about what he liked or wanted.

But he couldn't let Amber go either.

Flashes of memories came to him like the rain. Like her hands wrapping around him under the slides, them laughing and swinging together in the playground near Cyrus' house. He remembered her smile when she got him _ What If It's Us _and two pints of ice cream on his fifteenth birthday and told him,

_ "I love you and you deserve to read your kind of romance for once in your life." _

He remembered the way they jumped around, dancing in their room singing along to the Top 30s on the radio.

He remembered biking with Amber, Andi and Buffy around the block till sundown and chasing the ice cream truck to get half vanilla half chocolate twists.

He remembered Amber dragging him to the Kippen household when his parents were going through a divorce and baking brownies with him and watching _ Peter Pan _ into the night after Amber begged her mom to let them stay up.

He remembered it all so well that he couldn't give up on his relationship with Amber.

But she made him pick and that's what left his mind crippled between the memories.

_ He missed her. _

_ So much. _

_ But he wouldn't pick. _

*****

"Can I talk to you?"

TJ and Cyrus looked up to see Amber standing at the entrance of the kitchen. 

It was Saturday morning and TJ was making pancakes in the Kippen household. Amber had just edged into the kitchen, her hair straightened and dressed up in a flowy red dress that Cyrus knew was her lucky date dress.

"...Sure." Cyrus hesitated, exchanging a worried look with TJ and hoping off the island to follow her to the stairs.

She sat down on the bottom step, leaving enough space for Cyrus to settle down next to her. He did but kept a few inches away from her, not knowing if Amber was even willing to be friends again.

He could still recall the echo of _ we're done _ and Amber's expression of finality in the cafeteria. 

"I-" Amber clamped her mouth shut, gulping before starting again. "I've been a really shitty friend."

Cyrus didn't respond, only turning to her to show her that he was listening.

"Look, I shouldn't have made you choose and I should've been supportive because that's what you've always been through all my relationship drama and I... I'm sorry it took me so long to pull my head out of my ass. I'm sorry I hurt you, Cy."

There were tears floating in her eyes as she slowly slipped her fingers through Cyrus' hand, intertwining them.

Cyrus engulfed her in a hug, brushing a hand through her hair. "It's okay." 

"No, it's not. I don't deserve you or your forgiveness." Amber's voice was muffled, as if she'd shoved her face deep into Cyrus' shoulder. 

Cyrus laughed at the sound of her pouty voice. "I know you don't."

"Hey! You're not supposed to agree with me." Amber pulled back, offended.

"I really missed you."

"I missed you too, dork." Her eyes flicked to the kitchen for a few seconds before she looked back at Cyrus. "And I'm really happy for you. TJ's...good for you. Funny enough, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have ever met you."

"What?" Cyrus raised an eyebrow, looking at her expectantly.

"Oh, I've never told you this story! TJ was the one who noticed the little twerps saying shit to you back in second grade, you know in the playground, and he was the one who told me to see if you were okay while he chased away the bullies."

"Are you serious- Why didn't TJ ever tell me? We could've been friends this whole time?" Cyrus' eyes widened, in awe of how he hadn't been told this story before. Why were the Kippen twins such messes?

"Have you met the guy, he's socially constipated." Amber rolled her eyes.

"Really? Is he? Captain of the basketball team? Knows virtually every human at Jefferson?"

"Shut up. He hit puberty. He got all sociable." Amber huffed, elbowing Cyrus' arm.

They busted out laughing together and Cyrus met her eyes with a softness he realized he had reserved just for the Kippen siblings. "I thought we'd never talk again."

"As if that's even possible." Amber snorted, grinning at him.

"Cyrus!" TJ called, peeking around the corner with a ladle in one hand and a spatula in the other. "Pancakes are ready."

Cyrus chuckled at what an adorable sight TJ made, pushing up to stand.

"I should get going. I have a thing." Amber stood up as well, fidgeting with the arm of her dress.

"Date with Andi?" Cyrus asked even though he already knew.

"Yeah, we're going to an art gallery." 

"Well, have a good day." TJ cut in, smiling uncertainly at his sister.

"Yeah, I will." Amber said, scratching at her neck and stepping towards the door. She turned around suddenly, stuttering out a "you have a good day too."

"Thanks." 

Cyrus' heart warmed at the sight of TJ and Amber smiling at each, they were _ trying _. That was all he ever wanted to see; them trying to be civil.

Amber snapped out of it first. "See you later. Have a good breakfast. Cy, can I call you later?"

There was this hopefulness in her eyes like she needed assurance that she still had her friend and Cyrus smiled at her gently. "Yeah."

Then the girl was practically skipping to the door and the minute the front door clicked shut, TJ turned to Cyrus. "That went well."

"Yeah, I missed her." Cyrus laughed in relief, stepping into TJ's side and towards the kitchen. "How come you never told me about second grade?"

"The little witch told you, huh?"

"TJ, no more name calling. You promised you would try!"

  


** _I just think you’re meant to meet some people. I think the universe nudges them into your path._ ** _ ~ _ Becky Albertalli, _ What If It's Us. _

Cyrus was so glad that the universe had nudged Amber and TJ Kippen into his path.

  



End file.
